Sheila Walsh: Brokenness: God's Secret Weapon
24 January, 2012
Colour 2012 in LONDON is on the horizon, with preparation and excitement building. Be praying for us as we launch the conference in Sydney and then roll it out across Africa, London and Eastern Europe. My personal expectation is high. We have all been given a clear and precise mandate regarding 'womanhood' and these Colour gatherings each year never fail to water and ignite what is within us.
I am hoping that many will make their way to London and join me for what will be another powerful layer in the story. PRISCILLA SHIRER is one of our guests. She is much loved and loves being around you girls. Our second guest in London this year is SHEILA WALSH. She resides in the US but is of Scottish descent, so I know she will resonate with many girls from this part of world.
We asked her for some words to share here in this format. What she has written gives insight to the depth within her. I have a feeling that Sheila is going to minister and unleash something beautiful from heaven above.
So on behalf of Cathy Clarke and our beautiful Hillsong London & Colour team ... we look forward to sharing a brilliant weekend together in April. Hope you have found a way to be with us.
Love always,
Bobbie
Brokenness: God's Secret Weapon
I spent the first thirty years of my life trying to “fix” myself. I wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with me but I believed to my very core that if anyone got too close to me, they would see what my father saw. If guilt tells us that we have done something wrong then shame cries out, “You are something wrong!”
The last time I ever looked in my father’s eyes all I saw was rage and raw hatred. As a five-year old child I couldn’t process the fact that his brain injury was the root of his violence. All I knew was that the man I adored now, hated me and the question I couldn’t ask for fear the answer would destroy me was, “What did he see in me that was so dreadful?”
So, I found a place to hide. It was the perfect place, for who would ever question it? I hid in Christian ministry. For years I lived a safe, lonely life, until God in his mercy let my life hit the wall. When the glass house I had lived in for so many years came crashing to the ground, I began a new life outside the safety of those walls. No, it didn’t feel good. Not at all. At first, it didn’t even feel safe. But it felt true. I saw myself as a broken lamb limping after the Shepherd, not knowing where He was going, but knowing that wherever He went - I would go with Him. To this very hour, I remain utterly convinced of one unalterable thing: The Shepherd loves me. The words I sang as a child feel more real to me today than ever:
Jesus loves me, this I know.
I believe with everything in me that God loves broken people, and that when somewhere in the painful process of that breaking and bruising, we find a way to welcome Him into the darkness, we come to know His love in a way we have never known before.
I have seen this same conviction in the lives of other broken men and women I have met through the years. While they never would have signed up for the breaking (who would?), they would change nothing now. They wouldn’t exchange the deeper relationship they have found with God for anything. It’s not that God loves the broken among us more than those who perceive themselves as whole; it’s simply that we know we are loved. We dare to believe it. And we know there is no hope, no life, and no ultimate meaning apart from Him.
I thank God that although I am not “fixed,” I am loved.
It really is okay not to be okay.
Do you dare to believe that? Would you dare to bring all the broken pieces of your life—with the remnants of old wounds and stubborn nightmares—to God and let Him do what only He can do?
Many of us would willingly take such a dare…if only we could believe we are truly loved. So that is my prayer for you. I pray that you would know—down to the marrow of your bones—that God loves you with a fierce and undying passion, that you are not alone, and that He has committed Himself with all His omnipotent power to getting you safely all the way home.
What if the greatest mystery of the gospel is that God’s light shines through broken glass with greater intensity than through unmarred windows? What if the greatest gift we have to give to each other are the rags of our ruin and God’s redemption? What if we stopped being afraid, afraid of our story, our humanity, and our ‘not good enoughness’? What if we asked God for the gift to hear beyond what people are saying, or shouting or cursing to the cry of their hearts?
What if every time we caught a glimpse of our own imperfect reflection we saw God’s love with such overwhelming clarity that it would be hard to resist?
What if brokenness is really God’s secret weapon after all?
Sheila Walsh
(Colour 2012 London Guest Speaker)
For more information on Sheila Walsh, please visit sheilawalsh.com
Follow Sheila Walsh on Twitter twitter.com/SheilaWalsh and Facebook facebook.com/sheilawalshconnects
For more information and to register for Colour Conference, please visit colourconference.com
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